Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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