Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
