a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
