Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
