He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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