I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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