I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
