Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dignity is for republicans.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
