My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
