Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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