she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
