SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
