i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
zippers are such a cool invention
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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