what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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