thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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