Your tits are I can't wait for
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
