she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
