i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize