Soap is not a condiment
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
