i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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