I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
