yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
COCAINE IS GR8
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
