Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
