I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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