I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
