I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize