I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
