Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
