So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
