This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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