Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
