Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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