Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
