yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
