i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
