he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
