are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
