he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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