I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
