i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
