I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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