She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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