I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
