Only a mothe r could love this liver
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
