How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
