I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
