I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize