You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
