When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Randomize
