Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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