The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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