I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
