I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize