2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
