You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
