like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
