4 words: hood of his car
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize