Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
