Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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