I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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