Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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