I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
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