And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
