Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
