I accidentally had phone sex last night
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
