K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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