your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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