I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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