i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
