the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize