I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
